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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29469495">The Unforgivable, the Unexplainable and the Inevitable</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhereverMySITakesMe/pseuds/WhereverMySITakesMe'>WhereverMySITakesMe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Barriss Offee Needs a Hug, Character Study, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Insomnia, Minor Anakin Skywalker, Minor Original Character(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Vomiting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:16:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,294</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29469495</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhereverMySITakesMe/pseuds/WhereverMySITakesMe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Barriss falls.</p><p>Slowly, but surely, fighting every step of the way. Over the years she tries everything, every possible way to save herself.</p><p>In the end, nothing, not even Ahsoka, is enough to save her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barriss Offee/Ahsoka Tano</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Unforgivable, the Unexplainable and the Inevitable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It had been weeks, maybe months, since Barriss had had the opportunity to get a full night’s sleep. She’d grown adept at snatching a few hours, or minutes, of dozing when things were quiet and at running off whatever rest she managed to get. What she seemed to have completely lost the ability to do was </span>
  <b>sleep</b>
  <span>. In a bed, in the dark, for eight hours. Even in the Temple, her home, she couldn’t settle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Either that, or she was just being a coward. She had managed to fall asleep earlier that night, only to be tormented by nightmares. She knew that if she closed her eyes again she would be back on the battlefield, surrounded by dead and dying men. Risking death herself. Facing endless demands. Disastrous consequences for any failure, no matter how small. Adrenaline fighting for control of her body and pushing her towards failure because she had to stay calm, had to be in control when every cell in her body told her to scream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss shot upright. Even awake, the memories were threatening to overwhelm her and she was shaking with the need to scream. She knew she should mediate to clear her mind but she couldn’t bring herself to sit down on the floor of her dark, empty room and close her eyes. She would only be bombarded with memories again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead she slipped on her cloak and stepped into the corridor. A walk through the Temple might settle her nerves. Part of her hoped that she would run into Master Luminara, or one of the other Masters, someone who would be wise enough to aid her. She was too ashamed to seek anyone out deliberately. And, it turned out, too unlucky to run into someone by chance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, her feet took her to Ahsoka’s room. Just seeking the comfort of a friend, of course. Nothing more. So there was no reason for her to hesitate before knocking. No reason to try to hold herself back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” Ahsoka’s voice was too alert for the late hour. At fourteen, she had a soldier’s reflexes, able to wake instantly at any sign that she was needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I come in?” Barriss asked softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure” Ahsoka opened the door to let her in. She was still fully dressed, even though the rumpled bed confirmed that she had been sleeping until a few seconds ago. Sleeping fully dressed was the norm for the Jedi now. Always ready for action.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for waking you” Barriss stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, her hands folded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Is everything okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t sleep,” Barriss admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what do you want me to do about that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ahsoka’s voice was teasing but Barriss sagged as she said “I don’t know”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there...something you want to talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I just couldn’t relax”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You only just got back to Coruscant, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss nodded “I haven’t had a room to myself for a while. It’s a little...unsettling” She chose the word carefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you can sleep in here if you want but I don’t know where” Ahsoka gestured around the narrow room. Most of the floor was taken up by the bed and cupboard, not even leaving enough space for Barriss to lie down on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss exhaled “I’m being stupid. I’ll just go back to bed”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started to turn away but Ahsoka took her arm, frowning with concern “Wait. Are you sure you’re okay? Stay and talk awhile”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t keep you up”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mind”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do” Barriss said, then lapsed into silence. Ahsoka’s hand was still on her arm. It was...distracting. Suddenly she blurted “There’s probably enough space for both of us on the bed. We could share it. Like younglings do”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want” Ahsoka smiled as she sat down on the bed</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss moved to follow her but froze halfway “No...what if someone sees us?” Normally climbing into another child’s bed would be met with a reprimand from the Master who came to wake them. It might be worse for older children. Someone might ask questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then they’re coming into my room without knocking so either there’s an emergency or they’re very rude”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss smiled weakly “You’re right, I’m being paranoid”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get some sleep” Ahsoka said kindly “I’m sure you’ll feel better”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right” Barriss said again and took off her cloak, leaving her in just her underhood. Next to her, Ahsoka stretched out on the bed, taking up as little space as possible. Barriss lay next to her, trying to leave a gap between them, as stiff as cast-plast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ahsoka shifted and reached out to put her arm on Barriss’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go to sleep” Barriss hissed</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will” Ahsoka stilled, but she was closer now. Barriss could feel the heat of her skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not returning the affection would be rude. Bariss moved closer as well and wrapped her arms around Ahsoka, who sighed happily. She was half asleep, would soon be fully asleep. Her skin was soft under Barriss’ fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss should have slept. She was warm, comfortable and safe and she needed the rest. But she didn’t. Instead, she lay awake even longer, drinking in her friend’s soothing presence. They didn’t get much time together, awake or sleeping. Not just because of their separate missions. They were Jedi. Attachments, like so many other things, were forbidden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss was distantly aware that she had been on her feet for almost twenty hours. On an even more distant level she was surprised that she was still keeping track of time. Most of her time in the medship had been in the operating theatre, under the constant bright lights, repeating the same procedures over and over. Even the patients were identical. Clones. They all blurred together. She couldn’t remember how many she’d treated. Maybe it was only one. One man who was constantly gaining new injuries under Barriss’ hands as she patched holes and cleaned wounds and restarted failing organs. Whenever she fixed one urgent life-threatening problem, there was another and another, on and on without ending.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was in no shape to be working like this but she didn’t care. Her insomnia had only gotten worse over the last few months. Resting had been replaced by tossing and turning, tormented by phantom sounds of explosions and screams around her. It was unbearable. She was glad of how little hard the medical droids, or whoever was in charge or this Force-forsaken place, worked her and how little rest they deigned to allow her. Tired as she was, it was easier this way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Force was she tired. So exhausted that when she glanced up from the operating table and saw her Master standing opposite her, she thought it was a hallucination. It was only when she looked back at the table and found it empty that she realised something had changed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Master? What are you doing here?” Master Luminara didn’t have Barriss’ healing talent and hadn’t been called to help with the overwhelming influx of injured men.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need you to come with me to Teth. The staff here said they could spare you. The worst is over, apparently”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes Master” Barriss said, mostly on instinct, and tried to remove her skin gloves. It was surprisingly difficult.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stumbled as she moved away from the table and Master Luminara caught her shoulder to steady her “Teth is several hours away. You can rest on the journey. You seem sorely in need of it”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. They have been working me hard her” Barriss closed her eyes to ease her throbbing headache and let her Master guide her. It felt like she was going to fall asleep standing up. If only.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Master?” She opened her eyes again as they reached their vessel. A large ship, manned by Clones. “Can we speak for a while?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would rather you slept. You look dead on your feet”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will be alright. Really, I don’t feel as bad as I look” She lied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re sure,” Master Luminara said benevolently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of them walked to the mess hall and sat opposite each other at one of the tables. Luminara waited patiently, hands folded, for Barriss to speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For several seconds, she didn’t, just licked her lips as she searched for the words “I’m struggling to… to cope. With the war.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not easy for any of us, child” Luminara’s voice was kind but her words were dismissive, making Barriss’ chest tighten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Master, I can’t sleep or meditate. I’m constantly tormented by things I’ve seen and experienced” She took a breath to try to get her emotions under control. “I don’t know what to do”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Barriss, don’t be dramatic” Lunimera said sternly, before softening her voice “I understand that it’s hard. You’ve been through a lot, especially for someone so young. And I know that being a healer means you see the brunt of the carnage. But you </span>
  <b>can</b>
  <span> meditate and it </span>
  <b>will</b>
  <span> help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t!” Barriss tried to protest, openly terrified by the idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luminara looked as though she was about to give another reprimand but decided against it “How much rest did you get on the medship?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not much. Perhaps a little over nine hours in total”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three hours a day” Luminara nodded “In general, I expect better from you, Barriss. But you’re clearly overworked and exhausted right now” She rose to her feet “I’ll make sure you’re left undisturbed for at least ten hours. Take some time to meditate and ground yourself, then get some sleep. You’ll feel much better afterwards”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss doubted that. But she couldn’t question her Master further without being impertinent. She got to her feet as well “Yes Master”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luminara led her to one of the bunk rooms “Would you like me to guide your meditation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss nodded. Having her Master with her might ease her troubled mind and let her find the depth of meditation she could no longer reach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright” Master Lumina stepped inside and sat on the edge of one of the bunks “Sit down and close your eyes”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss sat down on the floor with her back against the wall, her legs crossed and her eyes closed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take a deep breath and let it out, slowly. And again. Clear your mind” Luminara’s voice began to fade into reassuring background noise, reminiscent of many mediation sessions from Barriss’ childhood “Start to become aware on the floor beneath you and the wall behind you”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as she was beginning to relax, adrenaline shot through Barriss’ body, making her every nerve scream that she was in danger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Relax, Barriss” Luminara must have sensed her discomfort “Exhale, slowly, and let the tension leave your body with it”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss tried to obey, forcing herself to ignore the urge to open her eyes and jump to her feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Return your focus to the floor. Feel it against your legs, feel the temperature and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of Luminara’s words were drowned out by blaster fire and screaming that filled Barriss’ mind. She could smell the blood, feel the deaths of Clones around her, the terror of their last moments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes were open and she was shaking “Master, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eyes closed” Luminara said sternly</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please...” Barriss found herself begging</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Closed” Luminara was not opening for negotiations.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reluctantly, Barriss shut her eyes and took a shaky breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Focus on your breathing. Feel your chest expand as you inhale”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The onslaught was back. Barriss tried to shut it out and focus on her breathing but her chest was so tight that breathing hurt. The air was scented with burnt flesh. She couldn’t bear it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes opened again “Master, please, I can’t do this”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really, Barriss” Luminara was becoming exasperated “Are you a youngling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Master”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then at least </span>
  <b>try</b>
  <span> to meditate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t” Barriss insisted, still trying to explain “Whenever I close my eyes I’m back on the battlefield”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your mind is playing tricks on you. Ignore it”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ignore it, Barriss. This is </span>
  <b>not</b>
  <span> beyond your capabilities”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Master” Barriss said, defeated. Luminara wasn’t going to let her stop, whatever she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She closed her eyes once again and tried to keep her breathing regular. She wasn’t really listening to her Master’s instructions any more, just trying to look as though she was doing so. All she wanted was for the torment to end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After far, far too long, she finally heard Luminara’s impossibly calm voice saying “Come back now, open your eyes” She waited until Barriss was looking at her before asking “Do you feel any better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little” Barriss was heady with the relief of escaping her flashbacks “Thank you for your assistance, Master”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s my duty” Master Luminara rose to leave the room “Be sure to take the time to meditate in future, it will help you control your emotions”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course” Barriss tried to pretend that wasn’t a lie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luminara inclined her head, satisfied with the response “Sleep well”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss didn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her next attempt at relief was stupid. So, so stupid. Barriss </span>
  <b>knew</b>
  <span> that, even as she was doing it. Stupid enough that later she wondered if it had been an attempt to get her someone to see her suffering and get someone to help her. Luminara still seemed to think that her Padawan was fine. In fact, she was confident enough in that to send Barriss, alone, to join the surgical team on some faraway war torn planet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was strange, spending so much time around so many people who were neither Jedi nor Clones. They seemed like good people, who wanted to befriend her and who tried to connect, even as she observed them blandly from behind a curtain of exhaustion, every inch the distant, superior Jedi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d invited her to join them at the bar- seemingly the only place on this planet to socialise- and, for some reason, she had accepted the offer. It was a decision she’d regretted almost as soon as she’d arrived. The place was loud, foul smelling and packed with people. Every presence sent a warning stab in the back of her mind, telling her to be on her guard against a potential attack. The sheer number of them made her heart pound and her palms sweat. Her head ached from lack of sleep and she wanted to cover her eyes and ears and curl into a ball to block out the chaos around her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Barriss, do you want anything?” One of the other doctors asked. She had to strain to hear him over the noise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before she could form a response, someone said “She’s a Jedi, Merak”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get her water or something. Ginger ale” Everyone else would be- and had been- drinking alcohol. No one was properly drunk yet though, just happier and more relaxed. Barriss missed feeling happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are Jedi forbidden from drinking?” Jula, a nurse, asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. We are permitted to drink in moderation” Barriss answered, though she didn’t drink herself. It had always seemed improper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you can have one?” Merak asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss nodded, too distracted to notice the implication in the man’s tone. She was surprised when a glass of bitter-smelling brown liquid appeared in front of her a minute or so later. She looked up in surprise at Merak, who was returning to his seat opposite her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To the Rebuplic” He said, raising his glass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss found herself repeating the toast, before sipping the liquid in her glass. It tasted just as bad as it smelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next toast was to “A quiet night” and the third to “Replacing the damn med droid”. Barriss joined in with both, still recoiling at the taste of her drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>More toasts, to increasingly ludicrous ideas, followed which devolved into joking and laughter that Barriss didn’t try to follow the thread of. She just watched, silently sipping her drink and feeling the alcohol spread through her slender body. It relaxed her muscles, slowed her heart beat and even eased the throbbing of her headache. The effect was small, but Barriss was so ragged that even a tiny measure of relief was blissful. When a second nurse took orders for the next round of drinks she asked for another of the same and drank it too quickly. She went to the bar to buy herself another, not wanting to wait for everyone else to finish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When does it stop being ‘in moderation’?” A second doctor, Fenn, asked when she returned to her seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I become unable to fulfil my duties” Barriss said, primly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, be careful. If you’re not used to drinking-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s drinking Cider, it’s not strong” Merak cut in, then winked at her “If you want to get smashed, we won’t tell”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your discretion is appreciated.” Barriss replied, smiling at him. She doubted she had smiled before on this planet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we not get the Jedi child drunk.” Fenn said, exasperated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That prompted Jula to ask “How old are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sixteen” Barriss rose to her feet “And I am capable of getting myself drunk if I so choose”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noting Merak’s comment, she returned to the bar for something stronger. She knew that she was going too far, too fast but the drink soothed her ragged nerves and brought her closer to the peace she craved. She was too weak to resist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon she was dizzy and stumbling, thoroughly drunk. She could barely feel the crowd around her, or the throbbing of her headache. She felt warm and fuzzy. Maybe even happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A glass of water appeared on the table in front of her “Drink it.” Jula sat down next to her “You’ll thank me tomorrow, trust me”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ ‘m fine” She protested. Her words slurred together</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re drunk”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a Jedi. Leave me alone” That made no sense, unless you somehow thought Jedi were immune to alcohol, but for some reason she accepted the objection and let her be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps inevitably Barriss never found the oblivion she craved. There was no peace or restful sleep, she just awoke two hours late on the floor of her room, nauseous and with her headache magnified tenfold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pushed through it. She had to push through whatever the war threw at her. At least this time she had someone to blame. She skipped breakfast, downed the strongest cup of caff she could tolerate and reported to the medcenter, apologising profusely for her lateness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Had a bit too much last night?” Fenn asked, teasingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” Barriss said, head held high, before sweeping away to one of the wards. The statement fooled no-one- even with naturally green skin, her hangover was obvious. But it made it clear that she had no interest in banter and kept the comments and laughter about the idea of a drunk Jedi behind her back where she could ignore them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The day dragged. More injured Clones under the buzzing lights. A slow day, by the usual standards and by early evening Barriss had finished her shift and made a start on her next night of intoxication.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was how she spent the rest of the assignment, staggering between giddy drunkenness and thumping, sodden hangovers. She didn’t have to suffer the hangovers- she had repeatedly been offered drugs which would stave them off. She never took them. She didn’t really know why. Maybe she thought she deserved the pain for failing to behave as a Jedi ought. Or maybe she was so desperate for the alcohol to stay in her system for as long as possible that she was willing to put up with the pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was nice to look as wretched as she felt and for everyone to know that she was a mess of a person. She knew what people must be thinking about her. Pity. Judgement. Disgust. She didn’t care. She thought of little except her next patient or her next drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The exception, of course, was Ahsoka. Barriss had had to block her friend from her data pad- something she’d have to explain and apologise for later, if later ever came. There was too much risk that she would send a message that she couldn’t take back. In the blur of drink it would be all too easy to admit her true emotions and what would become of them then? It was unimaginable, so she pushed the thought away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, Master Ulandi came to collect her Padawan for an important mission. What she found was a teenaged drunkard vomiting behind a prefabricated building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luminara wasn’t angry, such a strong emotion would be out of place for a Jedi, but she was disappointed. She spent several minutes delineating precisely how disappointing her Padawan’s behaviour had been, while Barriss retched and longed for unconsciousness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you thinking? Can you explain yourself at all?” Luminara was still not angry. She just expected better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was a question, which meant that Barriss had to give an answer. Reluctantly, she tried to find one “I don’t know, Master. I…” She closed her eyes for a moment to gather her strength “I wanted to get away from the war”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t” Luminara’s voice was unsympathetic and unyielding “The war is here, you can’t leave it. Seeking comfort in denial is irresponsible. A Jedi should not be so foolish”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In that moment, Barriss knew she would get no sympathy or help from her Master. Or from any Jedi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will not fail you again, Master”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss tried her best to keep her promise. She found ways to cope and to hide. Constantly shielding her thoughts and emotions. Learnt to suppress the stumbling unsteadiness that came with unending exhaustion. Drank caff- gallons of it- to keep herself sharp. Got used to the way it combined with the adrenaline that flowed like poison through her veins, turning her stomach into a pool of acid and making her constantly racing heart skitter ever faster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Most important of all, she forced down every shred of emotion- fear, exhaustion or just jittery discomfort- whenever she needed to call upon the Force.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Force was no longer a guiding hand or reassuring presence, just another heavy weight on her back. She needed it, constantly to complete her duties. But what it demanded of her- a peaceful mind, clear of emotion- was increasingly impossible and forcing herself to comply was so taxing for her already near-shattered mind that she was almost angry that she had to try.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Angry! At the Force! Once, Barriss would have laughed at the absurdity, the </span>
  <b>stupidity</b>
  <span> of feeling like that. Now everything is all too real, all too serious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss leant her forehead against the cool plasteel of the med station wall, trying to soothe her throbbing headache. What she should have been doing was resting. The last shipful of injured Clones had been treated and she had yet to be told where she would be needed next. Catching a couple of hours of rest was the only reasonable thing to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she knew better than to try. She would only be haunted by the patients she had lost over the last few days. She’d remember the smell of their blood, the restrained gasps and groans of their agony. And she would ask herself whether the deaths were her fault- maybe if she had been better rested, calmer or stronger with the Force, they would have lived- and if it wasn’t her fault, then who’s was it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Best not to think at all. She peeled herself off the wall and went back to pacing the corridors. If she kept moving she could keep her mind blank and even shut out the complaints of her weary, overstimulated body. It was almost peaceful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Barriss?” A mantilla-ed head appeared from a door on the side of the corridor, making Barriss come to a startled halt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahsoka!” Real joy washed over her at the sight of her friend’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you come in? It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. If I am needed, someone will come find me” Barriss frowned as she stepped into the side room. It was set up as a recovery room, and Ahsoka was dressed in a robe instead of her normal clothes “Ahsoka, are you alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should be. I’ve been in a bacta tank all night”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss looked pointedly at her until she lay back down on the bed, before she continued speaking “You were lucky to get the bacta. If you were a Clone you would be on a slab waiting for a teenaged girl to stitch you back together” Her voice was hollow and what was meant to be a joke came out depressingly straight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is the teenager you?” Ahsoka was smiling, generously pretending that the joke had landed “Because if it is, I’d take my chances”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss tried to lighten her tone, once again unsuccessfully “I’m happier with you in bacta. Even with the Force, I lose people every day” To her surprise she realised that she’d raised a hand to massage her temple. She thought she was past lapses like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are </span>
  <b>you</b>
  <span> alright?” Ahsoka tilted her head and sat up properly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss desperately wanted to break down. To sob all her sadness and fear and trauma into Ahsoka’s shoulder while Ahsoka held her close and then collapse, exhausted in Ahsoka’s lap. Ahsoka wasn’t like the other Jedi- she was emotional herself, wilful and disobedient, and so was her Master. She would let Barriss cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she couldn’t do it. Something was stopping her. Her lips couldn’t form the words and her eyes would not shed tears. She was locked in the mask of a perfect Jedi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually she gave up. Instead she simply lowered her hand and said “Just a long day”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Long night” Ahsoka corrected, but her voice was sympathetic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That” Barriss smiled again but it was the smile of a statue. Being unable to speak, or even move, honestly around Ahsoka made her chest ache. “So how did you end up in a bacta tank?” She asked, changing the subject “I’m sure it’s a good story”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ahsoka grinned as she embarked on her tale, relating it with enthusiasm. Barriss was only half listening. Instead, she took in Ahsoka’s tone, her movements, her facial expressions. Even after having only recently recovered from what must have been a serious injury, she was energetic and obviously unwilling to lie still. The energy bled into her words and her smile. She was proud of what she’d done- even if it hadn’t all gone to plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss couldn’t have done that. As good as her masking had become, it left her stiff and awkward, sometimes even talking in a monotone. She might have been able to shut down her true emotions about her work but she couldn’t fabricate genuine pride.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ahsoka was okay. The affliction that had taken hold of Barriss hadn’t got to her. That knowledge eased the pain in Barriss’ chest. Ahsoka was okay. Ahsoka was strong. Ahsoka would get through the war and come out the other side whole.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss managed a real smile as she said “You are so brave, Ahsoka.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ahsoka laughed “What are you talking about? It’s not like you aren’t on the front line too”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yes. But it sounds so much more exciting when you tell it”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s being eloquent, not brave”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose it is”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But seriously.” Ahsoka met Barriss eye’s “You’re too hard on yourself. You’re brave too. And clever and skilled”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss looked at her hands “You are too kind” Her tone was even more stiff and formal than usual, shutting the conversation down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She regretted that almost immediately as Ahsoka lapsed into awkward silence. But before she could try to take it back the door opened angina.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Snips. How are you feeling?” Anakin asked as he walked in “Oh, hey Barriss”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning Master Skywalker” Barriss respectfully inclined her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good, Master” Ahsoka grinned at him</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Glad to hear it” Anakin replied before turning to Barriss “And you? Are you hurt? You look a little...off”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just tired, Master. I’ve been working here. How are you?” She said politely</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, thank you. But I’m afraid I’m going to have to steal Ahsoka. We have an urgent mission.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His tone was teasing but Barriss kept her response bland “Of course sir”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ahsoka jumped out of the bed, excited for her new mission “I’ll see you again soon, Barriss” She tried to meet Barriss’ eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss looked away once again “We’ll see where the war takes us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes” Ahsoka said reluctantly “I guess we’ll see”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss watched her and Anakin walk away, leaving her alone in an empty room. It was only then that she finally said “I think I’m falling to the dark side. Please, help me”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one would ever know how hard Barriss tried to keep from falling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It all came to nothing, of course. But she tried. Desperately. She could feel herself slipping, could feel her resolve crumpling under the endless assault of adrenaline, pain and night after night without sleep. She fought against it with everything she had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She asked the Council for leave. Some time on Coruscant or even just a posting somewhere without active combat. Said that she wanted an opportunity to learn more about diplomacy and politics and more time to focus on her studies. She knew that a holiday wouldn’t be a panacea. Even in Coruscant she was always tense and sleep didn’t come to her easily. But she ached to be away from the war. Without the constant pressure she could focus on centring herself. Perhaps she would find a way of undoing whatever damage had been done or simply force herself sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t beg, much as she wanted to. She knew that any display of emotion would be taken poorly by the Council, so she kept up a calm facade and made her case with reasoned arguments. It didn’t help. They weren’t angry with her, in fact Master Obi Wan seemed almost apologetic. They just couldn’t spare her. They needed all the healers they could find and if the medcenters weren’t crying out for her, then the front lines always wanted more Jedi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They found her passion for diplomacy and scholarship were commendable and they promised her more time to devote to them soon. When the war was over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss wanted to weep. But she didn’t. For now, at least, she could herself. She simply thanked the Council for their time and returned to her work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After begging the Council didn’t work, she turned to religion. As Youngling and Padawan, Luminara had taught her about the faith of their people, as part of the cultural education that was passed down through the generations of Mirialan Jedi. There was the goddess Trikara with her teachings of “Peace, Tranquility and Harmony” and spiritual beliefs about equality and interconnectedness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back then, Barriss had been unimpressed. The teachings of her culture were similar enough to those of the Jedi, that there seemed no point to attempting to practice them separately. But now she understood. Trikara wasn’t like the Force- uncompromising and objective. What the goddess valued most was people who were working to help others achieve their destinies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not just those who succeeded. But everyone who </span>
  <b>tried</b>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Barriss tried. She poured everything she had into her work. Fighting to aid Clones and civilians or draining her own life force into her patients until she was dizzy and weak, sometimes even as battles raging around them threatened her as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trikara must be able to see that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And perhaps, unlike the cold and calculating Force, she would forgive Barriss for her many failings. Perhaps she could see how the Sith, the war and even the Jedi themselves had left Barriss with no way </span>
  <b>not</b>
  <span> to fail. Nothing to do except quietly fall to pieces and try not to bring anyone down with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss acquired a statue of Trikara and set it on the low table in her bedroom in Coruscant. She spent hours kneeling before it, or before the blank wall of whatever ship she was on, and prayed. Sometimes she gave eloquent speeches about the unfairness of her existence and justifications for her latest lapse in serenity. At other times, her prayers were wordless as she tried to somehow pass her many burdens into the goddess’ open arms. And sometimes she didn’t pray for herself at all and instead asked for Trikara to protect the innocent- Republic or Sepratist, the Clones, the other Jedi. Especially Ahsoka.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It helped. Sometimes. It was better than staring at the wall, or her data pad, anyway. For a time, it even provided motivation for Barris to better herself. Not like a Jedi, with silent, lonely meditation. But like a Mirialan, seeking out connection to her fellow beings and their shared destiny.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was surprisingly easy to find a group on Coruscant, who were united in their objections to the war and the desire to discuss what they had suffered because of it. A place to let her guard down and be listened to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was careful. She told no one her name or anything about her except that she was a Jedi and was studious in hiding the details of her missions. All she wanted was a temporary escape. Messaging the group’s members gave her something to do during her long insomniac nights, a way to come down from the adrenaline heights of her nightmares. A chance to connect to people without her mask getting in the way. A perspective other than the Jedi’s, which had become so hollow and unsatisfying. People she could talk to that wouldn’t her a coward or a traitor, people who understood her pain and fear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss had planned to tell Ahsoka about the group, eventually. Ahsoka was the only person she trusted enough to show weakness to. And Ahsoka was so kind. Once she saw how much people were suffering thanks to the war, Barriss was sure that she would...that she would do </span>
  <b>something. </b>
  <span>Between the two of them they’d figure it out. They had to. Even with the support of the group and her newfound faith, Barriss knew that she could only hold out so much longer</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Master Luminara had said that the dark side would feel good. On a fine day before the war in a park in Coruscant- the kind of day Barriss would cut off every one of her limbs to experience again- she had told her Padawan how the dark side would be seductive, inciting. That it would be the best thing she had ever felt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was wrong. The dark side moved through Barriss like a wave of bile and adrenaline bringing with it an overwhelming desire to fall to her knees, start screaming and never ever stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It happened for the first time when Barriss was on Ryloth, carrying an injured Twi’lek woman over one shoulder, leading a group of more women and children to safety. Civilians, fleeing an active war zone to a safe area the Republic had promised. There shouldn’t have been anyone coming after them. The clone troopers, Master Luminara and many the Twi’lek men were distracting the Seperatist forces. Besides, what would be the point of coming after a group of unarmed civilians?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But come they did. Not a flood of droids, just a handful of mercenaries. But even that was too much for Barriss to take on alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her already racing heart sped as she tried to assess the situation. She yelled to the Twi’leks in her care to get behind her, praying that at least some of them would be calm enough to keep the others in line. The blaster fire was already coming. She fought to deflect as many bolts as she could, holding her lightsabre in her one free arm, but it wasn’t enough. She heard cries of pain behind her, </span>
  <b>felt</b>
  <span> the new injuries through the Force. Couldn’t shut them out. Her focus was slipping, making her move too late, missing a shot. And another. It caught her shoulder making her hiss and recoil. She shouldn’t be doing this. She was better than this. Wasn’t she? Another cry of pain. She was failing and the more she became aware of that fact the more her focus slipped and the more she couldn’t do it and her head was screaming and they were going to die and and and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then the mercenaries were dead. All of them. Barriss had wiped them out with barely a thought. Far far too easily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One of the Twi’lek children hugged her legs. There were voices thanking her and asking for her help in a mixture of Ryl and Basic. Barriss thought she was going to vomit and was so shaky she was surprised that she was still standing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there was no time for that, no time to process what she had done. Wearing the face of a perfectly composed Jedi, Barriss raised her hands to silence the voices around her “We need to get moving, we’re still in danger here. Is there anyone who needs immediate medical attention?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was, of course. Barriss patched the injuries of two people, found a third already dead and got the group back in motion. In a stroke of luck that was too late to change anything, they managed the rest of the journey unmolested. The promised safe area was a command ship containing several speeders of tents and supplies defended by a handful of Clones. It was a relief to have someone else handling any potential combat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still dizzy and overwhelmed, she helped the Clones distribute supplies and set up tents. Eventually, injured clones and Twi’lek warriors began to arrive and Barriss treated them too. The sky was dark by the time her work was finally done. She calmly excused herself, left sensible instructions for the Clone guards, went back into the ship, found a refresher, dropped to her knees and vomited over and over and over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rationally, she knew that it had been hours between that point and the moment that she had used the dark side, but it felt like no time had passed at all. Like she was still there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stayed shut in that room as long as she dared, letting herself shake and dry heave as her mind raced. It would be harder to resist the dark side now that she had used it once. She already knew that she would fail again. There was no hope of regaining control of her emotions or even getting enough rest to keep her wits sharp. Situations like this would happen again. There would be lives on the line. She would have no choice. She would not let people die due to her inaction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave no thought to the Jedi as she knelt there, reeling. She no longer cared what they thought of who she truly was. Even aside from what she’d done, they would be disappointed in her for not fulfilling their impossible demands for calmness. They would say that that had been her first step towards the dark and that there was no turning back now. Maybe they would be right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, after half an hour had passed, Barriss composed herself and left the room. Master Luminara was waiting for her outside, holding two ration bars.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you well, Padawan Offee? You were in there for some time”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am fine, Master” Barriss accepted the ration bar her Master offered. She doubted the woman would enquire further into her potential digestive issues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Master Luminara sat down on a bench, nodding to the Padawan to take the space next to her. Barriss obediently sat down next to her. She took a small, careful bite of the ration bar, which her still queasy stomach accepted unwillingly. She pressed a hand to her midriff to try to still her insides.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Master Luminara spoke again “The Twi’lek women say you wiped out several mercenaries single handedly” Her tone was calm, but the question was loaded. She knew that Barriss shouldn’t have been able to do something like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They exaggerate. There were only one or two, likely a patrol. I reflected their shots back at them” She respectfully bowed her head “In truth, I failed by allowing civilians to be injured and killed in the confrontation”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is difficult to single handedly protect several people at once.” Luminara conceded “But I trust that you will do better should this occur again”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Master”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss would have liked to believe that her last thought before she fell was of Ahsoka. But what did that even mean? The first time she used the dark side she had been beyond conscious thought. And after that, she used it when she had to. Which was more and more often- it was a war and she was falling apart and as she got closer to knighthood, more pressure was placed on her shoulders. After a while, she was able to use it without vomiting. Was that her fall? Becoming acclimatised to the dark side?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or was it when she began using it for her own gain? Phrased like that it sounded horribly irresponsible. Evil, even. But it wasn’t like that. She was just so tired. She still almost never slept and still wore a heavy mask all of the time. She needed to draw on the dark side just to keep from falling over. Was that really “for her own gain”? She was too tired to work it out. Was she actually gaining anything? Did she even </span>
  <b>want</b>
  <span> anything?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An end to the war.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wanted that more than she had ever wanted anything. Not for her sake, she already knew that she would never know peace. It was for Ahsoka. Barriss still thought about her every day. Still prayed for her. Even now that she was little more than a hollow shell, fueled by the dark side, who had long since given up praying for herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She loved Ahsoka. She could admit it to herself now, now that she had already spectacularly failed as a Jedi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It would come to nothing, of course. Perhaps Ahsoka was a little too emotional and a little too reckless but she would never do whatBarriss had done, would never fail how Barriss had failed. Ahsoka would not fall to the dark side. Ahsoka would not fall in love. And that was fine. No one could love Barriss now that she was so ruined. And she didn’t want Ahsoka’s love. Just for her to be safe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But in the end, maybe the Jedi were right about attachments after all. If Barriss hadn’t thought of Ahsoka constantly she wouldn’t have told Letta that Ahsoka was a Jedi who you could turn to in a crisis. A Jedi who was honourable and trust worthy. Who truly wanted to help people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Letta hated the Jedi. And Barriss had just wanted to defend her friend. She wasn’t even sure why she’d bothered really. She hated the Jedi too. They had destroyed her. Sometimes when she lay awake, tormented by the things she’d seen and done, she would imagine bringing the violence to them- the people who had caused it all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d never do it. Of course she wouldn’t, she wanted less violence, not more. It was just a way to stop herself from going crazy. More crazy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that’s how it would have stayed. If she hadn’t been in love with Ahsoka.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every time they spoke- messaging, holo calls and their rare in person meetings- Barriss desperately searched Ahsoka’s expression, her words, her movements for signs of distress. She had to know that Ahsoka was okay, that she’d make it to the other side of the war. Of course she didn’t just </span>
  <b>ask</b>
  <span>. Ahsoka might not know how she felt, deep inside, or she might lie, just as Barriss would.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a while it seemed like Ahsoka was doing okay. In fact, she even seemed to enjoy what she did. Barriss couldn’t imagine anyone feeling that way, let alone someone as good and kind and Ahsoka but it seemed to be true. At least, for a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then things got worse. Barriss began to see the tiredness in Ahsoka’s eyes. Heaviness in her limbs. Her smile became less wide and less frequent. She got more pensive, more distant. Sadder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was beginning. Barriss was certain of that. The war was taking hold of Ahsoka’s mind, just as it had her own. Ahsoka would suffer and she would fall and there would be no escape. Not for any of them. If the dark could take Ahsoka, it could take anyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone had to stop it. The war had to end, while there were still true Jedi, still people who followed the light. Still people like Ahsoka.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But no one seemed to care. No one but Barriss are her small group of protestors even seemed to see what was happening, the fate that would come for them all. She had to </span>
  <b>make</b>
  <span> them see, make them understand. Soon. Now, preferably. Every second she wasted could be another fallen Jedi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t matter what she had to do to get her message out. She was already lost, a murderer, a user of the dark side, a Sith. It could get no worse for her, no matter what she did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment, Barriss thought she had done the right thing, that she had changed things. She felt real joy and hope for the first time in years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took less than a minute for the feeling to fade back into the darkness that had become her constant companion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even on Geonosis, all those years ago, she had been ready to die, ready to leave the war behind. So why now, when there was nothing but pain in her life, when she had no future, when she was a terrorist, didn’t she give up? Truthfully, even Barriss didn’t know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For months, she had wanted to lie down and die. For months, she dreamt of holding her lightsabre to her chest and igniting it, just to get away from the war and the nightmares. For months, she had been nothing but a marionette, puppeted by the dark side. After the bombing, nothing changed. The dark side kept her looking normal and stable. Kept her safe. Kept her looking like a perfect Jedi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dark side didn’t care about Ahsoka. And for Barriss, the true Barriss, on the inside, it didn’t feel real. Everything passed in a nonsensical blur. She wouldn’t hurt Ahsoka. But she wouldn’t bomb the temple either. And she wasn’t a soldier, didn’t fight alongside Clones. None of it made sense and she couldn’t figure out where the break from reality had occurred. If anyone had asked her what she’d done, step by step, or what she had said to the Senate- her moment of passion and defiance-she wouldn’t have been able to answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barriss didn’t know if she had passed out or slept or just disassociated so violently that she stopped forming memories but when she came to she was in a prison cell. Her first reaction was relief. No more war or dying Clones. No more blood on her hands. No more sounds of explosions and blasterfire. A chance to finally, </span>
  <b>finally</b>
  <span> sleep. Being confined to a cell was worth it just for that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It only took her a couple of minutes to realise how wrong she was. The war would never leave her. She only had to close her eyes to see it all again. The idea of sleeping was ludicrous, she could barely stand to </span>
  <b>blink</b>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Within hours, she was huddled in a corner, trembling. Stupid, stupid, </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span>. There was nothing to ease her anxiety here. Nothing else to focus on. No Master Luminara. Luminara might not have understood what Barriss was going through and she might have been distant and cold but she had been </span>
  <b>there</b>
  <span> and she had cared and why hadn’t Barriss appreciated her?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And no Ahsoka. The thought of never hearing her laugh, seeing her smile or feeling her gentle touch ever again made Barriss want to weep but she didn’t dare close her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After the trauma and the loss came the guilt. All those lives she’d taken. Letta, Jack, Tutso Mara, nameless clones and civilians. They all swam before her burning eyes. What had she done? What had she thought she was achieving? Why, why, why?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She vomited onto the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The flood of emotions, memories and hallucinations didn’t leave her. Barriss took up tapping the back of her head against the wall, over and over, harder and harder, hoping the pain would ground her or distract her. Gradually, a sore formed on her skin, making the flare of pain when it hit the wall even sharper. It didn’t help but she found that she couldn’t stop. The only pause in the movement came when, completely overwhelmed, she threw up-bile, mostly, she was too tightly wound to eat- and when she blacked out. Not sleep, Barriss could barely remember sleep. She just collapsed into a heap of exhausted bones and then woke a couple of hours later with a jolt of terrified adrenaline.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t live like this, not for much longer. In some ways, she was already dead. Had been for a long time. And the dark side was calling her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In her final, brief moment of lucidity Barriss paused her frantic headbanging and looked up to the ceiling of her cell. For a moment, she could see the starts above, the vast expanse of the galaxy. She parted her cracked, bleeding lips to whisper </span>
  <em>
    <span>Trikara look after Ahsoka. Wherever she is, keep her safe.</span>
  </em>
</p>
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